Assigning children household chores is one of the best ways
to build self-esteem and a feeling of competence. Regular
chores establish helpful habits and good attitudes about
work. Having chores also teaches valuable lessons about life
and creates an understanding that there are jobs that must
be done to run a household. Children who grow up perceiving
chores as a normal part of life will find the flow into
adulthood much easier than those without responsibility
will.
Choose the right chores: Choose age appropriate jobs for
children based on their physical and mental abilities. Most
parents underestimate their children's abilities in this
area. Keep in mind that a child who has mastered a
complicated computer game can easily run the dishwasher!
Preschoolers can handle one or two simple daily jobs. Older
children can manage two or three daily jobs along with one
or two weekly jobs. (See the suggested list at the end of
this article.)
Take time for training: Don't assume that since your child
has seen you do the task that she can do it herself. Be very
specific in your instruction and demonstrate step-by-step as
your child watches. The next step is to let your child help
you, followed by your child doing the chore as you
supervise. At the point you feel that your child has
mastered the job she can take over responsibility for it.
Write it down: Children need a visual daily reminder to keep
them on track doing chores. (This compares to your need for
a daily planner sheet or to-do list.) A chore chart on which
a child can make daily check marks is one helpful technique.
An alternative is to use a pegboard made for hanging keys as
a holder for tags that list a daily chore on each one. A
child can flip the tags over as she completes each daily
chore. At the end of the day, a parent can check for any
open tags and have the child finish up before getting ready
for bed.
First things first: Use the "when/then" technique. As an
example, "When the pets are fed, then you may have your
dinner." As a quiet reminder, the child's dinner plate can
be left upside down, which means: "Run and feed the pets,
then you can eat!" Other when/then routine suggestions are:
"When your homework is done, then you can play outside."
"When your pajamas are on and teeth brushed, then we will
read a book." What makes this idea work best is when you
follow the when/then rule every day.
Be specific: Be very specific in your instructions. As an
example, "clean your room" is vague and can be interpreted
in any number of ways. Instead, be explicit by saying, "Put
your clothes in the closet, books on the shelf, dishes in
the kitchen and toys in the toy box."
Bonus Day! Once in a while, just for fun, have a "Coin
Collection Day." Prior to having your child complete her
chores, hide pennies, nickels, or dimes around the house
under the items that need to be cleaned. When all the chores
are done to your satisfaction, the child gets to keep the
bonus!
Chore list ideas: What follows is a list of ideas from which
you can choose a few chores for your child. The idea is not
to turn your child into Cinderella! Simply review the list,
consider your child's age, ability, and personality, and
select chores appropriate for your child. Preschoolers can
handle one or two simple jobs. As children get older and
more capable they can handle a larger quantity of jobs, as
well as those that are more complex.
Ages 2 to 3: Put toys away, fill pet's food dish, put
clothes in hamper, wipe up spills, dust, pile books or
magazines, choose clothes and dress self.
Ages 4 to 5: Above plus, make own bed, empty wastebaskets,
bring in mail or newspaper, clear table, pull weeds, use
hand-held vacuum to pick up crumbs, water flowers, unload
utensils from dishwasher, wash plastic dishes at sink, fix
bowl of cereal.
Ages 6 to 7: Above plus, sort laundry, sweep floors, handle
personal hygiene, set and clear table, help make and pack
lunch, weed, rake leaves, keep bedroom tidy, pour own
drinks, answer telephone.
Ages 8 to 9: Above plus, load dishwasher, put away
groceries, vacuum, help make dinner, make own snacks, wash
table after meals, put away own laundry, sew buttons, run
own bath, make own breakfast, peel vegetables, cook simple
food (such as toast), mop floor, take pet for a walk, pack
own suitcase
Ages 10 and up: Above plus, unload dishwasher, fold laundry,
clean bathroom, wash windows, wash car, cook simple meal
with supervision, iron clothes, do laundry, baby-sit younger
siblings (with adult in the home), mow lawn, clean kitchen,
clean oven, change bed, make cookies or cake from box mix,
plan birthday party, have neighborhood job - such as pet
care or yard work, or have a paper route.
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including "Kid Cooperation", "Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary
of 1,000 Parenting Tips", and also "Hidden Messages" , her most recent book. Introductions in all three of her books have been written by William Sears, MD.
Elizabeth is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. A regular radio show guest, she has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines.
This article was excerpted with permission by NTC/Contemporary
Publishing Group Inc. from "Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary
of 1,000 Parenting Tips" by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright
1999.
