During their growth and development, children go through
many stages of self-doubt. They are always comparing
themselves to others, and they often see themselves as
coming up short. As parents, we can offset this natural
tendency in our children by giving them the skills to think
more positively. It is important that you really listen to
your children, and help them overcome their negative
thoughts and beliefs. This is, of course, easier to do if
you practice positive thinking yourself.
Our world is so full of negative feedback. We need to arm
our children with a positive attitude, so that they can stay
focused in the right direction. Let's look at some typical
negative statements from children, along with some positive
responses from their wise parents:
I can't do it. Take your time and try again. I have
confidence in you.
Heather hates me. Sounds like you're feeling rejected by
Heather, and that must hurt. I know you want Heather to like
you. Remember that you're a very lovable kid and a terrific
person, no matter what Heather, or anyone else, says or
does. And, you know, she may have a problem that has nothing
to do with you.
I'm just no good in history. You've brought up Cs before - I
know you can do it again. Besides that, honey, nobody is
good at everything. And look at this A in math, you've
always done well with numbers!
I'm so clumsy. I'll never learn to rollerblade! It's tough
learning something new. Remember when you first tried to
ski, how hard it was? But you stuck with it, and now you're
really good at skiing.
There is real value in discussing positive thinking and
self-esteem with your children on a regular basis. Sadly,
these subjects are not yet included in the school
curriculum. There are good books written for children, as
well as adults, which demonstrate the use of positive
thinking. Reading a book together is a good launching pad
for starting a conversation. Pointing out positive versus
negative attitudes from news stories or life stories is an
excellent way of showing your children just how this all
works in real life, too. A great web site for finding lots
of wonderful positive messages is: http://greatday.com
Modeling a positive attitude is one of the most effective
ways of teaching your children. Children learn what they
live. So start presenting your thoughts in a positive way,
Oh well, I burned the dinner - guess that means we get to eat
cereal for dinner!
Parents always hope that their children will have a positive
outlook on life, but most often how this happens is left to
chance. When you take this matter into your hands, and look
for ways to guide your children's thoughts in a positive
direction, you will see very exciting results.
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including "Kid Cooperation", "Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary
of 1,000 Parenting Tips", and also "Hidden Messages", her most recent book. Introductions in all three of her books have been written by William Sears, MD.
Elizabeth is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. A regular radio show guest, she has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines.
This article was excerpted with permission by New Harbinger Publications,
Inc.
from Kid Cooperation, How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to
Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley
