Would you like to get your kids to willingly cooperate? Stop
the daily battles? Teach your kids valuable life skills? If
your answer is Yes! Yes! Yes! then read on . . .
There are so many things we must get our children to do and
so many things me must stop them from doing! Get up. Get
dressed. Don't dawdle. Do your homework. Eat. It goes on and
on. We can get our kids to cooperate and at the same time
allow them to learn self discipline and develop good
decision making skills. How? By offering choices.
Giving a choice is a very powerful tool that can be used
with toddlers through teenagers. This is one skill that
every parent should have tattooed on the back of his or her
hand as a constant reminder. Parents should use this skill
every day, many times a day. Giving children choices is a
very effective way to enlist their cooperation because
children love having the privilege of choice. It takes the
pressure out of your request, and allows a child to feel in
control. This makes a child more willing to comply.
Using choice is an effective way to achieve results, and
when you get in the habit of offering choices you are doing
your children a big favor. As children learn to make simple
choices - Milk or juice? - they get the practice required to
make bigger choices - Buy two class T-shirts or one
sweatshirt? - which gives them the ability as they grow to
make more important decisions - Save or spend? Drink beer or
soda? Study or fail? Giving children choices allows them to
learn to listen to their inner voice. It is a valuable skill
that they will carry with them to adulthood.
You should offer choices based on your child's age and your
intent. A toddler can handle two choices, a grade-school
child three or four. A teenager can be given general
guidelines. Offer choices such that you would be happy with
whatever option your child chooses. Otherwise, you're not
being fair. For example, a parent might say, "Either eat
your peas or go to your room" but when the child gets up off
his chair, the parent yells, "Sit down and eat your dinner,
young man!" (So that wasn't really a choice, was it?)
Here are some ways in which you can use choice:
Do you want to wear your Big Bird pajamas or your Mickey
Mouse pajamas?
What pair of shorts would you like to wear
today?
Do you want to do your homework at the kitchen table
or the desk?
Would you rather stop at the gas station or
give me the money to fill the tank?
Do you want to wear your
coat, carry it, or put on a sweatshirt?
Would you prefer to
let the dog out in the yard or take him for a walk?
Do you
want to run up to bed or hop like a bunny?
What do you want
to do first, take out the trash or dry the dishes?
Do you
want to watch five more minutes of TV or ten?
Will you do
your homework now, after dinner, or shall I wake you at six
tomorrow?
If your child is reluctant to choose from the options that
you offer, then simply ask, "Would you like to choose or
shall I choose for you?"
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including "Kid Cooperation", "Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary
of 1,000 Parenting Tips", and also "Hidden Messages", her most recent book. Introductions in all three of her books have been written by William Sears, MD.
Elizabeth is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. A regular radio show guest, she has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines.
This article was excerpted with permission by New Harbinger Publications,
Inc.
from Kid Cooperation,
How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to
Cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley
